Orders from the Captain
Lately, Emily has hardly been seen around Candle Square.
She no longer roamed the halls with a broom and sprayer in hand, nor wandered about searching for Candle Square's dark secret.
After training, she would quietly retreat to her room without a word.
Oh, Captain.
What brings you here?
Emily... are you holding up?
...
To be honest, no, I'm not.
Ever since that day... I continued reflecting on what happened for quite some time.
My mind has been overwhelmed with too many thoughts.
Even cleaning, which I enjoy, felt impossible to focus on. My disordered memories brought constant headaches.
At first, I thought it was nothing more than confusion.
Because the true mission I had been pursuing all this time...
Which was basically my reason for being here... was a lie.
But soon, I realized that that isn't all there is to why I'm here.
If I no longer have a reason to stay here, I can just establish one myself.
I like it here. Serving as a maid alongside Ms. Claire, Ms. Scarlet, and Ms. Bell Rhys brings me joy.
I even find cleaning every nook and cranny of Candle Square enjoyable as well.
Even if the dark secret of Candle Square was fabricated, I have no intention of leaving.
So this cannot be the true reason weighing on me.
Then what is the true reason?
You know, I've been with the Antares Mercenaries since I was a child.
Back then, I was stranded all alone, and a passing mercenary corps happened to take me in.
It's almost cliche, really.
Growing up surrounded by them, I naturally learned to fight. When I was older, I took my place on the battlefield.
Given how I was raised, it was to be expected.
I fought on command, and I defeated enemies on command.
I convinced myself it was about obedience. That I was just following orders. That was the excuse I clung to.
But I was wrong.
I found myself craving it... the intensity of the battlefield where your life is on the line.
Maybe deep down, I always knew I wanted to fight.
That part of me scared me, so I buried it deep in my mind where I wouldn't have to face it.
I'm... afraid.
Afraid of what I might become.
The thought of forgetting who I am and turning into a monster keeps me awake at night.
My thirst for combat will devour me in the end.
I know I owe you everything, Captain, and I'm sorry to say this, but...
Wouldn't it be better if I stepped away from the Journey?
Continuing the Journey means I'll have to face more battles.
I'd rather lose my memories than lose who I am.
No.
...Huh?
You won't become a monster.
...
How can you be so sure?
I can't even trust myself anymore—
Monsters don't take joy in cleaning.
The smile she wore as she cleaned and dusted was never fake.
There was no doubt she cherished her life in Candle Square.
But—
Monsters don't care about their comrades.
In every battle, Emily would always look back to make sure I was okay.
She would never rush forward and put her comrades at risk.
She knew what it means to fight together.
And most importantly...
Monsters don't fear turning into monsters.
She doubts. She fears. She suffers.
She feels joy, embarrassment, even a little pride...
Every one of those feelings has always been Emily's.
Never a monster's.
...
You... really believe that?
That I won't turn into a monster?
Without question.
There isn't a single doubt in my mind.
You're just... well, just a bit...
Just a bit what?
Just a bit... overtrained as a soldier...?
...Is that meant to be comforting?
It's just a matter of adapting, that's all.
Emily spent her whole life one the battlefield. It's only natural that peaceful days feel unfamiliar.
Just like someone raised in peace would break down on a battlefield.
She's simply struggling to adapt.
All she has to do is going in the direction she decides for herself.
That's all there is to it.
Adapting... Maybe you're right, but...
Emily.
Yes, Captain?
As theJourney Captain, I give you an order.
Huh? An order?
You are to have faith in what I'm telling you. You are not going to become a monster.
Ah...
Also, in my capacity as Journey Captain, I am assigning you a new mission.
A-a mission as well?!
Emily, Senior Maid of Candle Square. Complete the Journey!
...!
...Fufufu.
If you insist, Captain...
Understood.
I shall complete this mission to the best of my ability.
Emily picked up her cleaning tools and left the room, her face finally at ease.