Lydia's True Feelings
I waited for Lydia on the outskirts of the Western Liberators' base.
After a while, she appeared.
I'm here, Captain.
How's Ceres?
She's asleep. Though she might have another nightmare.
If you tell someone not to think about an elephant...
It only makes it harder for them to get the elephant out of their head.
Of course I have.
And what Ceres is doing now...
Yes. It's similar.
It'll only get worse. I know. I know that.
It's not like I'm just standing by and watching the Commander suffer because I didn't understand.
Lydia gave me an exasperated look.
...The Commander has always been a handful.
Even when I worry she hasn't slept for days...
"Too soft!"
Lydia let out a brief, dry laugh.
Even when I worry she's eating properly...
"Too soft!"
Yes. Exactly. But that was just bravado, so it was easy enough to handle.
But when she says she's gotten over former Commander Venera's death...
Lydia's expression twisted with pain.
That isn't bravado. The Commander truly...
She wants to erase every memory she has of former Commander Venera.
No matter how heroically you try to frame it...
She killed her own sister with her own two hands.
...I can say all the right things too.
"The Commander didn't kill her sister."
"She saved former Commander Venera instead. She should hold her head high."
After saying that, Lydia wrapped one arm around the other.
But how could I ever say that to her?
To the Commander who hid away in a corner by herself...
Because she was afraid she'd ruin everyone else's joy over reclaiming the West.
...
To the Commander who cries for her sister in her sleep before dawn.
To the Commander who still stays at the base so no one will ever hear her.
"We won! You should smile too!"
How could I say that?
That's our Captain. You always know exactly what to say.
Then why don't you open a therapy clinic for us while you're at it?
Lydia glared fiercely at me.
What was I supposed to do?
Should I say, "Commander, stop having nightmares. They're causing me too much trouble"?
"What's the big deal about killing your own sister?! At least you're still alive!"
Lydia stepped toward me as though she might grab me by the collar, but then listlessly backed away.
What does it matter if stars fill the Western sky or the land turns golden again?
What does it matter if people regain their hope?
Not a single person is thinking about how the Commander feels after killing her own sister.
Silence fell for a while, broken only by Lydia's ragged breathing.
Strange. By now, you'd usually say something like...
"She's not alone. She has me, and she has you."
"Come on. Let's go cheer her on so she can overcome it!"
Aren't you going to give me one of your trademark pep talks?
Ceres wouldn't want that.
!
That's not fair... Not to the Commander.
Is this really what she gets after carrying the hopes of the West into battle?
Lydia was right. Ceres had paid an enormous price, and she was suffering because of it.
But at the same time...
Ceres really is incredible.
Huh? You're really just going to say "she's incredible" and leave it at that?
Yes, because that's what Ceres would want.
!
I asked Lydia, who looked completely lost.
Is the Commander of the Western Liberators really someone who'd fall apart over this and never get back up again?
No. But... But...
Who?
You.
Have you heard a single word I've been saying?
I'm telling you the Commander is the one who sacrificed the most!
The Lydia I knew was hard to read, always composed, and more than a little suspicious, especially with that ominous power of hers.
And in truth, she was easily embarrassed, far more sensitive than she let on...
A girl who valued friendship more than anything.
Ngh...!
...I can't.
You have to.
I said I can't! What if the Commander—
Then you leave me no choice. I was hoping to avoid using this, but...
I reached into my coat and pulled out a slip of paper.
It was the wish voucher Lydia had given me.
Tell Ceres how you feel.
Lydia glared at me with murderous intensity.
I'm not in the mood for jokes, Captain.
But I met her glare and answered.
I'm not joking. You need to tell her.
Then could you say it, Captain?
"Why are you making me suffer like this?!"
A brief silence settled between her words.
We... fought side by side.
I may not have sacrificed as much as the Commander...
But I did too... again and again...!
The emotions Lydia had desperately kept buried began spilling out.
So why are you carrying all this miserable baggage by yourself again?!
We promised back at the training camp that we'd face everything together...
We promised we'd share anything we couldn't handle alone...
With tears gathering in her eyes, Lydia whispered.
...Am I really that useless to you?
Having finally forced the words out, Lydia took several deep breaths.
How am I supposed to say something like that... to someone who's already suffering so much?
That's exactly what you need to say. Tell her she's hurting you.
Are you insane? Besides, compared to the Commander, I...
...
...
I'll help too. Let's find a way together.
But... is that really okay? What if the Commander...
I think I know how to stop Ceres' nightmares.
Feelings can reach someone even when they aren't spoken aloud.
...I'm envious. I wish my sister and I could have...
We might have caused more trouble than we actually helped...
But even so, I still saw people smiling and enjoying the peace we reclaimed for the West.
What are you planning?